ginkage: Cropped head shot from a Mucha painting. (Crazy Saionji)
Most folk that read this know that I have CTS, Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. I've had it since I was fifteen with on and off flare-ups that have never really warranted more than the occasional wearing of wrist braces.

Since I took the deli job back in January, my wrists have begun to deteriorate at what seems like an alarming rate. The right one is worse, of course, since it is my dominant hand. Yet, It was still manageable.

Now, my middle finger is constantly numb at the tip. I frequently get pins and needles in my hand just from resting it in the wrong position for too long. Even this I could deal with.

Today...I can't close my hand. The tendons along the back pull too hard and I get a spike from the wrist joint to my elbow. I can't hold anything that requires firm pressure without excrutiating pain. It feels like my whole hand is swollen but it's not.

I'm actually starting to wonder if I don't have tendonitis -on top- of the CTS. Unfortunately, not having health insurance from work (hooray, part-time), it'd cost a small fortune to get it looked at I'm sure. I know there are options, but I'm deathly afraid of hearing the word 'surgery' from a doctor.

It's taken me quite a while to write this, my fingers keep going numb. I haven't had much bring me down lately but pain always does it. Pain I can't get to stop is even worse. I had to write this and get it out of my head before the self-analyzation drives me up a tree.

I can't doll, I can't knit or do needlework. Hell, I can barely hold a book. Dammit. :(
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