ginkage: Cropped head shot from a Mucha painting. (80s cartoons nightambre mermist she-ra)
Gawd, what a pretentious title for the fact that I am floundering mentally in my artistic endeavors. The only thing I'm not flailing on is cross-stitch... and that's because I'm working off of a pattern and it takes very little unique impulse in and of itself.

I've started pixel art recently but can't bring myself to finish anything. It all looks like crap to me and I abandon it and leave it sitting half-finished in the folder. I doodle in OpenCanvas with my tablet but I can't seem to pull out anything but scribbles.

I've lost almost all my RP drive. It's frustrating. I WANT to RP... I just find myself unable to think about who, what, when, and where. I know I've left people hanging and I hate it. It's just a game, but I still devoted some of my time to it and it's not fair to others to just log in and never do anything.

I've been sorely tempted today to back out of all my characters on [ profile] ineffablegame. I love Ivanova, but I just can't think like her enough to play. Noriko... I shouldn't hang on to a Priestess spot if I'm rarely able to play her, either. It's not fair to the game.

Nevermind that I'm spending most of my free time in cleaning out my apartment, moving all my things into this house, knowing that I'll just have to do it again at some point because of massive amounts of stupid shit.

I want my creativity back. I want the desire to do fun things back. I want free time that's not spent being an adult for a while.

Yet... I also want work. Money's tight. Really tight. It's frustrating as hell. I job hunt left and right but I'm not qualified for half of the jobs I find. I apply anyway.

Now, I'm just babbling. I think I'll stop now before I ramble myself into an even more depressive state. :P
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